Asking for a Friend: Help! I’m scared to speak up in class because I was made fun of
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Supressing yourself is one way to protect yourself, but it will also hinder you. Photo: ShutterstockNeed an answer to a personal question that you’ve never mustered the courage to ask? We’ve been there. Whether it is about school, family issues or social life, share your thoughts with us. If you have a question you’d like answered (about anything at all), please fill out this form. Don’t worry – you will remain anonymous!
Dear Friend,
I am a 16-year-old secondary school student. The English SBA (School Based Assessment) is approaching, and we were advised to be more proactive during class presentations.
I recently tried to contribute to a group discussion. As I expanded on my ideas, I noticed many of my classmates whispering among themselves and even sneering at me.
It really affected me. I know I should stay optimistic and not take it too personally, but suppressing my feelings is taking a toll on me. How can I manage my emotions and continue to participate?
Signed, Sensitive
Help! I want more say in who attends my birthday
Dear Sensitive,
An instinct to hold back is understandable; you might even want to thank that part of yourself for trying to keep you safe. However, it is not easy to keep suppressing yourself, especially when you consider how important it is to connect with others. Let’s break down this setback:
Understanding your fear
The urge to suppress your emotions is often rooted in fear, perhaps of being sneered at again or talked about by classmates. However, we all need to be understood and express ourselves by being present in conversations.
We are most comfortable sharing about ourselves when we feel safe, whether in a classroom or with family or friends. It’s natural to feel uncertain about opening up if we can sense judgment or oncoming criticism. This instinct is our mind and body’s way of protecting us.
Try to remember that suppressing your feelings only offers temporary safety. Ultimately, it will disconnect you from others, leaving you lonely and isolated.
Expressing yourself
Taking part in constructive and meaningful discussions will enrich your life. Even if you feel afraid, speaking up will help build your confidence, help you embrace yourself, and help you become a more authentic person.
Potential next steps
It is not easy to speak up in class – and it is even harder when your classmates are not supportive. If it does not feel like a good learning environment, it is your teacher’s responsibility to improve the situation.
Tell them how you have been feeling and work with your teacher to find a way to make participation in class and group discussions less daunting.
As humans, we have a fundamental need to express ourselves so that we feel understood, seen and connected. It’s great that you have recognised how stressful it can be to suppress your true self, as that is not how we are meant to function.
Best of luck, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by Cherrie Chung, a counsellor at Insight Counselling.