Asking for a Friend: Help! I’m jealous of my cool best friend. What should I do?
- Each week, we respond to a question from our readers and give advice and resources they can turn to
- This week, we help a student dealing with envy who wishes they could be like their pal
It’s normal to feel jealous sometimes, but it’s important not to get carried away by your feelings. Photo: ShutterstockNeed an answer to a personal question that you’ve never mustered the courage to ask? We’ve been there. Whether it is about school, family issues or social life, share your thoughts with us. If you have a question you’d like answered (about anything at all), please fill out this Google Form. Don’t worry – you will remain anonymous!
Dear Friend,
I am jealous of my best friend in so many ways. She has cool friends and is a great student. Even if I tried, I couldn’t do all those things. Everyone loves her and ignores me. What should I do?
Sincerely, Envious
My new friend is nice in private but ignores me in public. What should I do?
Dear Envious,
Feeling jealous of others, especially close friends, is a common yet uncomfortable experience, and it can be challenging. Here are a few tips on how to cope with this uneasy feeling:
1. Recognise and acknowledge your feelings. While it’s normal to experience jealousy from time to time, it’s essential not to get carried away by it.
2. Instead of focusing on what your friend has that you don’t, take some time to reflect on your own strengths, qualities, and achievements. Remember that everyone has unique talents and areas of expertise.
3. Try to avoid comparing yourself to your friend or others. Comparisons can be unfair and often lead to feelings of inadequacy. Instead, focus on your own personal growth and development.
4. Consider having an open and honest conversation with your friend about how you’ve been feeling. Sharing your emotions can help foster understanding and strengthen your friendship.
5. Be kind and compassionate towards yourself. Remind yourself that it’s OK to have insecurities and that you’re worthy of love and acceptance just as you are.
6. Set personal goals that align with your interests and values. Work towards developing your skills and strengths, and celebrate your accomplishments along the way.
Help! How can I stop being so jealous of my classmate?
7. If your feelings of jealousy persist and start to impact your well-being, consider seeking support from a trusted friend, family member, or even a mental health professional. They can provide guidance and help you navigate your emotions.
Remember that jealousy is a complex emotion, and it takes time and effort to manage it effectively. Be patient with yourself, and try to focus on your own journey rather than comparing yourself to others.
Hope that helps, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by clinical psychologist Ken Fung, director of therapy and counselling at Jadis Blurton Family Development Center in Hong Kong and founder of Your Relationship Clinic.