Asking for a Friend: Help! My friend cheats off me in class. What should I do?
- Each week, we respond to a question from our readers and give advice and resources they can turn to
- This week, we help a student wondering what to do about a classmate who is always sneaking a peek at their paper
It’s not fair for your friend to copy your work, and it could get you into trouble. Photo: ShutterstockNeed an answer to a personal question that you’ve never mustered the courage to ask? We’ve been there. Whether it is about school, family issues or social life, share your thoughts with us. If you have a question you’d like answered (about anything at all), please fill out this Google Form. Don’t worry – you will remain anonymous!
Dear Friend,
My classmate sits next to me and always looks at my answers during exams. He is a good friend, but I don’t like it when he copies from me. I’m afraid I would lose my friend if I told the teacher. What can I do?
Sincerely, Copied
Dear Copied,
It makes sense that you would feel upset when you have put in the effort to study for your exam, and your classmate copies your work. It’s even worse that he is a good friend, meaning you feel ambivalent about reporting it to the teacher.
You’ve said you’re afraid to lose this friend, so you can try speaking to him directly before going to the teacher. Tell him you know what he’s doing and that he needs to stop. Let him know how his actions affect you and that the situation is unfair because you study hard for your exams.
You might even be stressed because if your teacher discovers the cheating, they might think you are allowing him to copy you. This could get you in trouble when you have done nothing wrong. Sharing your feelings lets your friend understand how his behaviour affects you, the possible consequences, and why he needs to make changes.
My new friend is nice in private but ignores me in public. What should I do?
Maybe your friend didn’t think about how his actions could affect you, and he will stop because he doesn’t want to get you into trouble. We hope that is the case!
If he is copying you because he truly struggles with the work, you could suggest that the two of you study together or that he seek extra help from the teacher. This could help him understand that you are still willing to support him, but not at the expense of your integrity.
Unfortunately, you need to prepare for the fact that your friend may not take the conversation very well. He may deny that he is cheating or pretend that he will change – only to sneak a peek at your paper once again.
A good friend doesn’t do something you’re uncomfortable with, which could get you into trouble – especially after you told him to stop. In this instance, it’s essential to protect yourself if he is caught and lies to the teacher about the situation.
Do you have other friends you can talk to about this? It may help to tell someone else about what is happening, just in case your friend bends the truth. Then, you have someone who can confirm your story and back you up if needed.
Either way, consider asking your teacher for a seating change. Tell them it’s for personal reasons that you would prefer not to mention. It would look less obvious if the whole class changed seats, not just you. We hope they will understand your discomfort and alleviate your problem.
Hope that helps, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by clinical psychologists from the Department of Health under Shall We Talk, a mental health initiative launched with the Advisory Committee on Mental Health.