Asking for a Friend: Help! I didn’t accomplish most of my goals last year. How can I improve in the new year?
- Each week, we respond to a question from our readers and give advice and resources they can turn to
- This week, we help a frustrated student who feels bad about not fulfilling their New Year’s resolutions
It’s OK if you didn’t accomplish everything you wanted to last year! Now is the time to see how you can set more achievable goals this year. Photo: ShutterstockNeed an answer to a personal question that you’ve never mustered the courage to ask? We’ve been there. Whether it is about school, family issues or social life, share your thoughts with us. If you have a question you’d like answered (about anything at all), please fill out this Google Form. Don’t worry – you will remain anonymous!
Dear Friend,
I didn’t achieve most of my New Year’s resolutions last year and I am quite disappointed in myself. How I can improve this year?
Signed, Disappointed
Dear Disappointed,
First off: it’s perfectly normal not to achieve your New Year’s resolutions – in fact, most people do not – so please don’t be too hard on yourself. Try to cut yourself some slack!
It is understandable to feel frustrated when things fall short of expectations, but do not let disappointment undermine your passion for growth. Here are a few things that can help you cope with setbacks:
Help! I’m so unmotivated in school and I want to give up
Examine your previous goals
Review your previous resolutions. Ask yourself: what derailed your plans? Why weren’t you able to achieve your goals? Were there any signs that you would have trouble reaching these goals along the way? Really look at the whole process.
Make sure you’re setting SMART goals: they need to be specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely. Try to identify any barriers that got in your way last year – are these obstacles you can remove yourself? If so, how? If not, how can you work around them?
Focus on what you learned and did do
You said you accomplished a few things on your list, so look at those achievements and reflect on them. For example, maybe one goal you followed through on was to join an after-school club. Think about all the things you’ve learned from being in that club and its positive impact on you. Did you make more friends or practise a language? If you like, you can write down all these positive outcomes: seeing them written down can show you just how much you did.
You can also think about other things you accomplished last year that weren’t on your list. Perhaps you learned to play a new piece of music or got full marks on an exam. Write those down too! We think you’ll find that you actually did a lot last year – you just did not realise it at the time.
I’m under a lot of pressure and don’t know why I need to study so much - what should I do?
Adjust your goals
Take a look at the things you want to accomplish this year. Make sure you’re not giving yourself unrealistic targets or trying to do too much at once. It may help to break your big goals into smaller ones, making them feel more reachable.
Give yourself deadlines for these mini-goals and evaluate your progress along the way – you may end up realising that you have changed your mind and don’t want to work on that goal any more or that something else has become more important.
Finally, track every little success you have on the way to achieving these targets; it will boost your confidence and help you see your progress in real-time.
You’ve got this, Friend of a Friend
The question was answered by clinical psychologists from the Department of Health under Shall We Talk, a mental health initiative launched with the Advisory Committee on Mental Health.