Asking for a Friend: Help! I feel self-conscious and anxious about my thicker thighs
Each week, we respond to a question from our readers and give advice and resources they can turn to.
Sometimes the desire to change the way our body looks is about something deeper. Photo: ShutterstockNeed an answer to a personal question that you’ve never mustered the courage to ask? We’ve been there. Whether it is about school, family issues or social life, share your thoughts with us. If you have a question you’d like answered (about anything at all), please fill out this Google Form. Don’t worry – you will remain anonymous!
Dear Friend,
I am a 16-year-old girl, and I have thick thighs. I really want to make them slimmer because I dislike how they rub against each other and make me self-conscious and uncomfortable. I have been working out a lot, but nothing seems to change. All of this has been making me anxious. Can you help?
Signed, Overwhelmed
Help! I feel trapped at home, helping my mum take care of my siblings. What should I do?
Dear Overwhelmed,
Thank you for sharing your worries. It sounds like they have been bothering you for some time. It takes a lot of self-awareness and courage to recognise how you are feeling and share that with others.
I want to invite you to explore some questions:
How would your life change?
What do you feel is currently missing from your life that could be different if you were able to change your body in this way?
It could be compliments from loved ones about your body or feeling confident when you look in the mirror. In our society, happiness is often equated with achieving the “perfect” body. It can seem like the solution to your sorrows.
However, the desire to change our bodies often stems from something deeper that we may not know how to express or are ashamed to share. It might be wanting to connect to others, boost our confidence or find a sense of purpose.
Consider what that deeper desire might be for you. Then, identify other ways, besides changing your body, to help you address those needs. For example, you could set aside intentional time to connect with your friends and family. You could also try out a new hobby or develop a new skill, which might help you feel more fulfilled.
Help! I haven’t made progress on piano and my mum is making me feel worse
Why did you start working out?
From what you have shared, it sounds like you primarily view exercise as a means to change your appearance. I encourage you to consider physical movement’s broader benefits.
Exercise is a wonderful time to appreciate everything your body helps you do, even when you are not consciously thinking about it. Your strong thighs help you climb stairs on your commute, and they help you hike to the top of your favourite trail with your friends and family.
What would you say to a friend?
It sounds like your inner voice can be critical and amplify unkind thoughts about yourself. How would you support a friend you admire, love and respect through their insecurities? Can you use that same gentle and compassionate voice toward yourself? Choose to be your own kindest friend.
Finally, I can definitely relate to how physically uncomfortable it feels when your thighs rub against each other, particularly in Hong Kong’s hot and humid climate! One tip you can try is to apply baby powder or petroleum jelly to your thighs to prevent chafing. You could also experiment with wearing leggings or longer shorts that cover the parts of your legs that chafe.
I hope this advice offers some comfort and food for thought. I am sending you the biggest hugs as you continue to explore your relationship with your body.
Sincerely, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by Stephanie Ng, the founder of Body Banter, a Hong Kong-registered charity that empowers young people to have conversations about body image and mental health.