Asking for a Friend: Help! My brother has a new girlfriend and now we’re not as close
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When your loved ones enter new relationships, it’s normal for you to feel left out. Photo: ShutterstockNeed an answer to a personal question that you’ve never mustered the courage to ask? We’ve been there. Whether it is about school, family issues or social life, share your thoughts with us. If you have a question you’d like answered (about anything at all), please fill out this Google Form. Don’t worry – you will remain anonymous!
Dear Friend
I was really close to my brother but since he started dating his girlfriend, our relationship has changed. They are always on the phone and go out every weekend. He also doesn’t have dinner at home any more and is no longer close to the family, but he does not see this. I’m upset with his girlfriend and I feel like I’ve lost my best friend. Please help me.
Signed, Lonely and Left Out
Dear Lonely,
It seems you’re feeling like you’ve lost your brother as a close confidant and companion because of his new relationship. It’s valid to feel upset, especially when it seems like his new partner is taking up much of his time and attention. Here are some steps you can take to navigate this situation:
Recognise your feelings
Spend some time reflecting. It’s OK to feel hurt, disappointed or even a sense of loss because of the closeness you once shared with your brother. Acknowledge these feelings without judgment and allow yourself to process them.
Communicate
Have an honest conversation with your brother. Approach the discussion with care, sharing your feelings without assigning blame to him or his girlfriend. Share your perspective on how you view the changes in your relationship with him. Be open and willing to listen to his side of things, as he might not fully realise the impact of his new relationship on his connections with family.
Get to know his girlfriend
Try to learn more about your brother’s girlfriend. This effort can help lessen some of your feelings and provide insight into your brother’s choices. Consider organising family activities that include both your brother and his girlfriend, so you can understand one another and bond.
Practise patience
Any relationship can go through different stages, particularly when one of you enters a romantic partnership. Over time, your brother may learn to balance his new relationship with family ties.
Prioritise self-care
Participate in activities and build social connections that bring you joy. It’s always good to invest in your other friendships and bond with your family members.
Seek professional guidance
If you find the changes overwhelming, consider reaching out to a counsellor or therapist. They can offer support and help you gain perspective.
Expressing your feelings is essential but it’s equally important to respect your brother’s decision to pursue a romantic relationship. There’s always potential for your connection with your brother to develop in a meaningful way even as he goes through this new phase of life.
You’ve got this, Friend of a Friend
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This question was answered by clinical psychologists from the Department of Health under Shall We Talk, a mental health initiative launched with the Advisory Committee on Mental Health.