Asking for a Friend: Help! I’ve just been rejected by the secondary school of my dreams. What should I do?

Sincerely, Dejected

Dear Dejected,

We can understand your frustration and disappointment, especially since you have wanted to attend this school for years. It can take a while to get over something like this – you are grieving, after all – so take your time with the process. Here are a few tips for taking care of yourself:

My friend is so focused on academics that it’s affecting their health. How can I help?

Undoubtedly, this setback has left you with a bitter taste in your mouth. It’s normal to feel upset, and it’s important to give yourself time to recover from this disappointment.

During this challenging period, you can share your burden with people you trust, such as your parents, close friends, teachers or the school social worker. Talking to your friends can help you feel some warmth and offer some clarity. As hard as things may be now, remember that tough experiences come with opportunities for growth; this could help you understand yourself better and make you more resilient in the future.

Remember that rejection does not define your worth or potential. Be fair to yourself while processing your emotions, and try not to ruminate on negative thoughts or engage in self-criticism.

Acknowledge your strengths and previous successful experiences. Your knowledge, skills, and personal values stay with you wherever you study.

Take a look at your classmates, friends, and the adults around you. Ask them about their experiences heading into secondary school. Learn how they adjusted to their new learning environments and whether they attended their top choice school.

This can help you gain some insight into how other people got on the paths they are on – you might find they faced a similar experience to what you’re facing now.

How to stop feeling jealous of a classmate

You’ve mentioned your desire to attend one of the top secondary schools in Hong Kong. There must be reasons why you admire that particular school. List those positive attributes and explore other schools that provide similar learning opportunities.

Additionally, remember that personal development may come from other learning methods, including extracurricular activities, voluntary work, and community involvement. Your growth isn’t limited to a specific school. Look at the list of good qualities your top school had. Which ones can you find outside of school? Are there any programmes or groups you could join that would offer those experiences, or any you could pursue on your own?

Have faith in yourself; there are great opportunities in front of you. We hope you can overcome your struggle and embrace the possibilities ahead.

However, if your distress persists or significantly impacts your daily life, please take the initiative to seek help from a professional. They can provide additional guidance and support to help you navigate this challenging period. Here are a few options:

• The 18111 Mental Health Support Hotline operates year-round, with dedicated personnel answering the phone 24 hours a day. It provides one-stop mental health support.

• Open Up online service

Hope that helps, Friend of a Friend

This question was answered by clinical psychologists from the Department of Health under Shall We Talk, a mental health initiative launched with the Advisory Committee on Mental Health.