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Kylie Knott

Catfishing – when someone creates a fake online persona to befriend and exploit victims – is making some loud pings on the pop-culture radar.
Last month, Netflix dropped the documentary Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare, the twisted tale of Kirat Assi, who was caught in a catfishing net for almost a decade with a “man” she met on Facebook.
The film, a follow-up to a six-part podcast released in 2021, explores the inner workings of what has been dubbed one of the world’s most sophisticated catfishers.
In September, streaming site Hulu released Fanatical: The Catfishing of Tegan and Sara, which follows a catfishing scheme targeting fans of the Canadian indie-rock duo.


Catfishing was woven into the plot of 2024 Hong Kong romance Love Lies, in which Hong Kong actress Sandra Ng Kwan-yue plays a doctor who falls prey to an online dating scam.
The practice, which typically starts with a “friend request” on social media from a stranger, has also made headlines, most recently in the case of a Northern Ireland man who was jailed after abusing up to 3,500 girls online and driving one – a 12-year-old in the United States – to suicide.
That case highlights the challenges for law enforcement of tackling online fraud when cybercriminals in one country are able to target victims in another.
Hong Kong-based psychologist Quratulain Zaidi sums up catfishing as emotional manipulation, exploitation and deception by someone who is psychologically unhealthy. Its impact is profound, with emotional and psychological repercussions for the individual who is being deceived.
“As we saw in Sweet Bobby, and as I see in my patients, there are multifaceted long-term consequences to the well-being and functioning of the person who is being deceived,” Zaidi says.

In Sweet Bobby, British radio presenter Assi was manipulated with threats of suicide whenever she pressed “Bobby” for a face-to-face meeting. So bad was the emotional control that she had to take stress leave from work.
Trust, too, is severely compromised.
“One’s own sense of self, self-judgment and ability to trust others is severely damaged and the negative impact on self-esteem can lead to challenges in future relationships with self and others,” says Zaidi.
The betrayal and manipulation victims experience trigger or aggravate symptoms of anxiety and depression, she says. They become very worried and hypervigilant, and feel sad or hopeless.
Victims can also experience feelings of shame and isolation.
“Social interactions can become challenging, especially when you made the choice to be in the relationship,” Zaidi says.

A fear of experiencing further emotional harm can lead victims to seclude themselves, she adds.
“In severe instances, individuals may exhibit symptoms akin to post-traumatic stress disorder [PTSD] as a result of the intense emotional trauma endured during the catfishing experience,” she says. These symptoms can include flashbacks, hypervigilance, and impulsive overreaction, which affect their well-being and ability to function day to day.
What sort of person creates a fake online profile with intent to trick, harass or scam people? Those with strong traits of sadism, psychopathy and narcissism, according to a 2022 study in Australia.
Zaidi says while those who catfish often have underlying psychological issues, this is no excuse for the infliction of emotional and psychological pain on others.
“Catfishers may struggle with poor self-esteem, [and use] made-up identities to seek validation and acceptance they lack in their lives,” she says. They may lack genuine human connection because of social anxiety, a lack of social skills or past rejections. This prompts them to turn to deceitful means for companionship.

For some, catfishing is a form of escapism, Zaidi says. For others, manipulating people online provides a sense of control and power that compensates for feelings of inadequacy in their offline lives.
“These challenges need to be addressed in a psychological setting to help these individuals,” says Zaidi.
According to US cybersecurity company Fortinet, some catfishers seek revenge on the person they are impersonating, while others use the practice to explore their sexual identities, assuming the sexual preference they are interested in online, using an identity different from their own.
Social media companies must be held accountable for catfishing, Zaidi says. “They have a legal responsibility to put in preventive measures for their users.
“Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare illuminates the profound repercussions of catfishing, showing how it can profoundly impact individuals, leading to significant losses in both personal and professional spheres.
“In instances of such extreme emotional trauma, it becomes paramount for policy-level interventions to be established to aid victims of catfishing who demonstrate the courage to come forward.”

Zaidi’s advice for those who have been catfished
Self-preservation – prioritise self-care strategies. These may include meditation, exercising and getting enough sleep.
Seek support from friends and family – it may seem hard at first because some of these people may already have warned you a situation did not seem right, but you need to reach out to your social support network. Remind yourself that you do not have to do this alone.
Set limits – part of the self-preservation process is setting clear limits on your online interactions to avoid being catfished again.
Get help – it is highly recommended to seek psychological support to process what you have been through and to navigate the emotional aftermath of being catfished, which is essential to move forward.
If you have suicidal thoughts or know someone who is experiencing them, help is available. In Hong Kong, you can dial 18111 for the government-run Mental Health Support Hotline. You can also call +852 2896 0000 for The Samaritans or +852 2382 0000 for Suicide Prevention Services. In the US, call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org for the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. For a list of other nations’ helplines, see this page.
Like what you read? Follow SCMP Lifestyle on Facebook, X and Instagram. You can also sign up for our eNewsletter here.


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Wellness

What is catfishing? How victims can recover from the shame and trauma it causes

In catfishing, a person takes on a false identity online to trick someone into a romantic relationship. Photo: Shutterstock

A still from Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare, which examines the case of a woman who was tricked into thinking she was in a relationship with a man for nearly a decade. We examine what catfishing means and what it can do to victims. Photo: Netflix

Kirat Assi in a still from Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare. She believed she was in a relationship with “Bobby”, a man she met online. Photo: Netflix

A still from Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare. Assi was manipulated with threats of suicide whenever she pressed “Bobby” for a face-to-face meeting. Photo: Netflix

Hong Kong-based psychologist Quratulain Zaidi sums up catfishing as emotional manipulation, exploitation and deception by someone who is psychologically unhealthy.

Meditation is a self-care practice that may help a catfishing victim through recovery. Photo: Shutterstock

5 ways to be happy and expert tips on how to achieve them

Social connections provide support, reduce feelings of loneliness, and promote a sense of belonging, which all help us feel happier. You can strengthen social connections through acts of kindness, a psychologist says. Photo: Shutterstock

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(From left) “I Love My Dad” actors Amy Landecker, Patton Oswalt, Claudia Sulewski and James Morosini at the movie’s premiere at Largo at the Coronet in Los Angeles, the US, on August 4. Photo: AFP

Morosini at the movie’s premiere at Largo at the Coronet. Photo: AFP

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Gillian Chung at an interview with the Post in 2010. Chung, one half of Hong Kong’s Cantopop duo Twins, is now thriving as a singer and actress but the road to success – marred by a scandal involving intimate photos – has not been an easy one. Photo: SCMP

Charlene Choi (left), then 18, and Chung, 20, at an interview with the Post in 2001. Photo: SCMP

Choi and Chung perform on stage at HarbourFest in October, 2003. Photo: SCMP

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Chung at an interview with the Post in 2009. Photo: SCMP

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Lifestyle

Health & Wellness

Health

Culture

Film & TV

Catfishing is in focus with two documentaries about it currently streaming. A Hong Kong psychologist has advice for victims of the deception


Catfishing is in focus with two documentaries about it currently streaming. A Hong Kong psychologist has advice for victims of the deception.


Netflix

Mental health

Social media