Peer pressure: expert advice on how to deal with it and stay true to yourself
The desire to fit in can sometimes make it feel like you have to do what everyone else is doing, even if you don't want to. But it doesn't have to be that way
Of all the influences in your life, one of the biggest is your group of peers. While you’re busy trying to find your own sense of identity, it’s your peers who you’ll look to for inspiration. Of course, friends can be a positive influence, but not always. The years of our teens, up to early adulthood are often when we feel most vulnerable and unsure of ourselves, and the desire to fit in and be accepted can make us give into peer pressure.
Clinical psychologist Dr Andrew Adler, a Hong Kong-based clinical psychologist from the US, has seen first-hand the causes and effects of peer pressure on young people.
“I have treated many teenagers who have social difficulties,” he said. “Often, these teenagers are shy or have low self-esteem. They give in to peer pressure, usually trying to join with other teenagers with the hope of feeling part of a group or becoming better liked.”
There’s nothing unusual about wanting to be accepted. Humans are social creatures, and it makes evolutionary sense for us to want to belong to a particular tribe, and to adhere to the norms of that tribe – in the past, that’s how we survived.
Our teen and early adult years can also often be a time when family relationships become more strained. You may find yourself feeling misunderstood by your parents, or at war with your siblings. This makes our friendships and the bonds we choose to accept in our lives even more important. If we can’t feel seen or valued by our parents or teachers, then we need to know we can count on our peers.
It’s no wonder, therefore, that the fear of being isolated can lead some young people to do things they wouldn’t otherwise do.
