Being Chinese | Why battling over the bill is a Chinese tradition worth fighting for
Economic and societal shifts have forced me to reconsider the fight-to-pay ritual at multi-generation family gatherings
At a recent family gathering, the dinner ended in yet another spirited argument. At the tail end of the meal and away from the gathering, my aunt insisted on paying while my sister and I were adamant that it should be our treat. This was our father’s 77th birthday, not to mention a rare occasion on which family members from two coasts had convened.
It ping-ponged back and forth with my aunt thrusting money into my pocket and me fishing it out and chasing after her. “I rarely see your father and it’s an honour to celebrate his birthday,” she finally said, arms crossed. Given that she is one generation above us, it was case closed.
Payment battles broke out most frequently at celebrations of milestone holidays, birthdays and anniversaries where several generations would gather. Sometimes, there were pre-gathering squabbles as to who would pay and who should pay, and even when these issues were seemingly resolved, the meal would end in a dramatic tussle anyway with an elder eventually coming away with the bill.
As explained to me by my father, aunts, uncles and various other elders, this fight over the bill is part of being Chinese.
This is not so obvious to those on the sidelines, often wide-eyed and confused about what is happening. “Is everything OK?” a good friend – American and Caucasian – who had accompanied me to one such meal once asked, concerned. Voices were ascending into what sounded like an all-out fight. All was good, I assured him.
