Why my Chinese parents hid my cancer diagnosis from me, and how to help others like them be truthful with their children about serious illness

Cancer survivor Chloe Feng understands now why her parents hid the truth about her illness, and has learned how Chinese parents like them could be more open

Not doing so risks children losing trust in their parents, a doctor says. Hospitals in China could hire more medical social workers and invite charities to help

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Chinese parents avoid telling their children upsetting news, even if it is about a medical issue that involves them, as Chloe Feng discovered 10 years ago with her cancer diagnosis. Photo: Chloe Feng

Published: 2:15pm, 18 Jul 2021Updated: 7:56pm, 23 Jul 2021

On Christmas Day in 2010, I turned 17. As I blew out my birthday candles, I wished that I could be healthy, as I was in some discomfort. Less than a month later, I was in hospital in Hebei province, in China, for a check-up after suffering severe stomach aches. The doctors sent me home. In February 2011, I was in hospital again, and in much more pain. Surgeons removed a 22cm (8.7 inch) tumour from my abdomen.

My friends and classmates visited me in hospital and brought lovely gifts – crystal balls, prayer bracelets, paintings – and encouraging letters and flowers. It was the Spring Festival, and I was eager to return home and get back to school.

Then the lab results for the tumour came back – and everything changed. I saw my mother, in tears, run to a restroom and I could hear her suppressed sobs over a running tap. My dad seemed like he wanted to say something to me, but didn’t. Mum returned but didn’t look at me. Her eyes were red. As I lay in bed, I tried to learn what was wrong, but the only response was: “You probably cannot go back to school.”

I cried, uncontrollably. As relatives and my parents’ colleagues whispered to each other in the corridor, I heard someone ask: “Will you consider having another child?”

Feng’s friends and classmates visited her in hospital and brought gifts, letters and flowers. Photo: Chloe Feng

A voyage of discovery

They did not tell me, but my tumour was malignant and doctors were worried it could spread. What came next was six rounds of chemotherapy and a year of commuting between the hospital and my home. My hair began to fall out – I lost it all within two weeks.