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Agence France-Presse

Pakistan’s traditional matchmakers play a central role in moulding daughters into potential brides, but marriage apps are offering women a new route to finding a husband.
“When I saw my colleague happy after being married to someone she met online … I thought, since we have tried rishta aunties for four or five years, let’s try this too,” Ezza Nawaz, a textile designer in the city of Lahore in Pakistan, says.
“Rishta aunties” – traditional matchmakers – polish up women and present them to the families of potential suitors, in a country where dating is considered dishonourable.
But in the past few years, marriage apps for Muslims have emerged in Pakistan promising so-called love matches.

Some offer a “chaperon” option – which provides a weekly transcript of sent and received messages to a chosen relative, satisfying families wary of their son or daughter connecting with strangers.
For Nawaz, it was a success: just three months after meeting Waseem Akhtar on marriage app Muzz, she was married.
“We went on a couple of dates before we got our family involved. We took our time,” she said.
They had the audacity to talk about how I looked, what I did, how much I earned, who my family is, how many brothers I have, what are my future aspirations. So every little thing is judged
Rida Fatima
More than 80 per cent of Pakistanis have arranged marriages, according to a survey by Gallup and Gilani Pakistan, in which families decide the union, sometimes settling an engagement without the bride and the groom even meeting.
Parents enlist the help of professional matchmakers to help find a suitable family, with the first impression often based on how the young woman looks as she pours tea for her potential in-laws.
The app, however, says 1.2 million Pakistanis have signed up since it launched last year with an advertising campaign in major cities, and 15,000 people have already married.
Marriage apps describe themselves as halal, or permissible in Islam, offering options to blur profile pictures for privacy and making clear the purpose is to reach a proposal.
But they continue to battle a stigma linking them to casual dating apps such as Tinder, which has been banned in Pakistan for being “immoral”.
“I do not tell people how I met my wife until I am sure that the person would not judge us,” says Akhtar.

Marriage is viewed as a coming together of two families in Pakistan, where many live in multigenerational households.
Choosing your husband or wife yourself can be seen as a challenge to the deeply ingrained reverence towards elders and a threat to the traditional family structure.
Rishta aunties are therefore relied upon to find suitors from acceptable families – a process that young women, who are widely expected to marry by the age of 25, can sometimes find demeaning.
“I was asked not to tell the guy’s family that my hobbies are hiking or photography, but are cooking and cleaning … it made me angry,” said Rida Fatima.
“They had the audacity to talk about how I looked, what I did, how much I earned, who my family is, how many brothers I have, what are my future aspirations. So every little thing is judged.”
Fatima was presented with several potential matches through a rishta auntie appointed by her parents, but was asked to pay around US$700 for an introductory meeting with a man.

The rate fluctuates depending on whether the match has a foreign passport, she adds.
Eventually, she ditched the process, becoming part of the 18 per cent of Pakistanis who have a “love marriage” after meeting her husband by chance.
“No matter how the guy looks, even if he is bald or has a big belly, he wants a wife who looks like a model,” says Muskan Ali, the managing director at a marriage consultancy in Karachi.
Rishta aunties do not feel threatened yet. Their offices buzz with parents and their children crafting profiles on computers, as matchmakers strive to digitise their businesses with sleek websites and WhatsApp groups for client communication.
Consultants teach young women how to walk, talk and dress to best correspond to the wishes of their future in-laws.
Many traditional matchmakers like Fauzia Aazam, the head of a community of rishta aunties in the city of Rawalpindi, reject marriage apps altogether.
“People waste time on these apps,” she said. “Chatting together all through the night, I just don’t like it.”
It is hard being on an app … men lie
Aneela
For Aisha Sarwari, a feminist author, the matchmaking process is about exercising control over daughters-in-law.
“I would say that we need to find a good middle ground, where the respect is equal on both sides and there is no sense of demeaning a human being just because they look a certain way or they are from a particular race,” she says.
Aneela, a digital media artist, whose name has been changed, tried her best to avoid being pored over by a matchmaker and turned to a marriage app, but found a new set of concerns.
“It is hard being on an app … men lie,” she says, swiping through her profile at a cafe in Islamabad.
She later admits to using a fake name and pictures on her profile so that men cannot identify her.
“The only option left is to go for an arranged marriage instead.”


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Sex and relationships

Marriage apps in Pakistan a digital rival for traditional matchmakers

A group of “rishta aunties”, as matchmakers are known, in Rawalpindi, Pakistan. In a country where dating is considered dishonourable, marriage apps have emerged that promise “love matches”. Photo: AFP

Ezza Nawaz with her husband, Waseem Akhtar. They met on marriage apps Muzz. Photo: AFP

Nawaz with her husband Akhtar. More than 80 per cent of Pakistanis have arranged marriages. Photo: AFP

Clients visit a marriage matchmaking office for prospective marriage proposals, in Karachi, Pakistan. Photo: AFP

5 ways the Chinese zodiac can help you find your perfect marriage match

Fortune-tellers examine a potential Chinese bride and groom’s month, year, day and time of birth, and their and their parents’ zodiac signs, to see if they are compatible. Photo: Shutterstock

If the couple’s birth animals align and do not clash, fortune-tellers say they will have a good family life. Photo: Shutterstock

In Chinese culture, each year is associated with one of 12 animals, and these animals either align or clash. Photo: Shutterstock

The bride- and groom-to-be’s hour of birth is linked to compatibility for parenthood and the relationship. Photo: Shutterstock

The date of the wedding is equally important to ensure a harmonious marriage. Photo: Shutterstock

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Cosplayer Xu Yunting (right), dressed as a male character from a video game, and client Feng Xinyu during a “cos commissioning” date in Shanghai. Photo: AFP

Cosplayer Xu Yunting applies make-up to transform into Jesse, a character from a romance quest mobile game. Photo: AFP

Xu and Feng Xinyu at a shopping centre during their date in Shanghai. The date is all planned and paid for entirely by Feng. Photo: AFP

Xu and Feng at a doll-painting workshop. Feng has commissioned Xu twice before, for a fee of around US$70. Photo: AFP

Xu and Feng pose for a selfie at a restaurant. Feng does not have a boyfriend “because I’m not interested in 3D men”, using a term for real-life men as opposed to those on the page or screen. Photo: AFP

Love and marriage: China’s Dali Bai region pledges to help its 33,000 bachelors find wives

China has in recent years implemented policies to encourage couples to get married and have children in the face of a population crisis. Photo: Shutterstock 

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Hyun Bin and Ha Ji-won in a still from “Secret Garden”. Photo: SBS

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Lifestyle

Family & Relationships

Tech

Tech Trends

In a country where dating is seen as dishonourable and arranged marriages and matchmaking are common, marriage apps promise ‘love matches’


In a country where dating is seen as dishonourable and arranged marriages and matchmaking are common, marriage apps promise ‘love matches’.


Pakistan

Weddings

Apps