Why 30 is not the new 20, and why you cannot put off big decisions without harming your career – psychologist

Twenty-somethings often believe they can kick back and have fun, but they should not, according to clinical psychologist, author and TEDx speaker Dr Meg Jay

She says this idea causes them to believe they have plenty of time to build their careers and find love later in life, when in fact they should be more decisive

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Students enjoy spring break on the beach in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. A psychologist says twenty-somethings are damaging future career and relationships by taking their twenties for granted. Photo: Tribune News Service via Getty Images

Published: 5:15am, 17 Sep 2020Updated: 9:53am, 17 Sep 2020

Newly minted college graduates in the United States are living with unprecedented uncertainty and anxiety. While a rare minority cruise into their dream job, or postgraduate degree, there are 50 million twenty-somethings who have no idea what they will be doing, where they will be living, or who they will be with in two years or 10 years.

Many simply tread water; working as baristas or waiters, dating all the wrong people and buying into every distraction. All they have to do, they think, is wait it out. Their twenties are for having fun, anyway. Real life starts later.

But clinical psychologist Dr Meg Jay says real life starts in your twenties. She argues that 80 per cent of life’s most defining moments have taken place by the age of 35, making the twenties a “developmental sweet spot” – and many millennials are blowing it.

“I’ve had hundreds of clients who’ve been misled about how important this decade is,” says Jay, who specialises in adult development and wrote The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now. “You are deciding your life right now and claiming your twenties is one of the simplest, yet most transformative things you can do – for work, love and happiness.”

Linh Huynh celebrates graduating from Boston University in the United States. A rare minority of graduates will cruise into their dream job, or postgraduate degree, but there are 50 million twenty-somethings who have no idea what they will be doing. Photo: The Boston Globe via Getty Images

Jay, also an associate professor of education at the University of Virginia in the US, says too many twenty-somethings believe the decade is for thinking about what they want to do, but there is a big difference between having a life in your thirties and starting a life in your thirties.

“Sure, the twenties are for experimenting, but not just with philosophies and vacations and substances,” she adds. “The twenties are your best chance to experiment with jobs and relationships. Then each move can be more intentional and informed than the last.”