How putting career on hold for partner’s Hong Kong job can make you ill
If you live your life through someone else’s you lose your identity and risk deep unhappiness, says wellness coach. Fortunately, many ‘trailing spouses’ find new careers in entrepreneurial Hong Kong
Sara Young was training to be a lawyer in Britain when her boyfriend (now husband) accepted an expatriate assignment to Hong Kong in 2003. Young stayed back to complete her training; then, safe in the knowledge that her employer would keep her job open for her, she embarked on what she envisaged would be an exciting adventure.
At first, Young embraced life in a foreign city but, without friends to share her experiences with and her boyfriend working long hours, the honeymoon phase soon passed. Assuming they would return home on completion of the two-year assignment, Young found work at a British law firm to further develop her skills. But her dreams were dashed when her boyfriend’s contract was renewed, and she then followed him on expat assignments to Singapore and Australia.
“In Singapore, it was difficult to find work. I was bored and I was resentful that my boyfriend was pursuing his career and I wasn’t. I had trained for five years to become a solicitor and now, nothing. As we had no certainty as to how long we would live in a country, I did not retrain.”
It was difficult to find work. I was bored and I was resentful that my boyfriend was pursuing his career and I wasn’t
Young’s first daughter was born in Australia and her second was born in Hong Kong, one year after they returned in 2009. While raising children without the support of parents nearby was challenging, especially with her husband travelling frequently, it was her loss of identity that struck the greatest blow.
